The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Reviews

Deni Dietz

Disclaimer: Some of my best friends are reviewers…

QUIBBLES & BITS

To read a review, or not to read a review: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous reviews,
Or to take arms against a sea of reviewers,
And by ignoring end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To read a review, to ignore a review: perchance to skim a review [and look for a line to quote, even if you have to use three dots]: aye, there’s the rub; For in that review of death what dreams may crush…

Responding to critics of Carnal Knowledge, Mike Nichols said, "A critic at a movie is a eunuch at a gangbang."

Which made me think…

How many times have we banged our heads against our keyboards because the person who reviewed our books didn’t "get it"?

Or even worse, didn’t read it?

Or was just plain nasty?

When my history-mystery-romance Dream Dancer came out, a reviewer whom I’ll call Ms. Axtogrind attacked me personally, then said that halfway through the book my hero burned to death in a circus fire. I don’t think I’m giving anything away when I say my hero didn’t die, though my heroine thought he did. Ms. Axtogrind was fired shortly thereafter (apparently, I wasn’t the only author to experience her misguided slings and arrows), but her vitriolic rhetoric impacted my sales. After all, would you buy a romance where the hero burns to death?

Unless, of course, the hero is Joan of Arc.

Long before the advent of blogs, I began collecting "weird review data." My thought was to – someday – write an article. Here are a few of my favorites:

Jack Williamson, a science fiction author, got a review which said he wrote like a comic strip writer. Someone saw the review and hired Williamson to write a SF comic strip called "Beyond Mars."

Writing about John Wassermann’s novel, Exit Wounds, a reviewer said, "Clearly the author has never been inside a police station. His policemen are vulgar and crass." Westermann, who spent 21 years as a cop, said, "Crass and vulgar? Some of my people consider it an art form."

When Greg Herron’s Murder in the Rue Dauphine was reviewed, the one thing the reviewer harped on was that "outside of the main character, Herron doesn’t get inside the heads of his characters. It would have been nice to know what was going on inside their heads as well." Considering the fact that the novel was written in first-person and the main character wasn’t a psychic, Herron kind of scratched his head over that one.

In a review of an anthology of Civil War stories, the reviewer assumed Patti (P.G.) Nagle’s story was a romance because of its title, The Courtship of Captain Swenk. "He obviously hadn’t read the story," Patti said, "because it wasn’t romantic at all. The Captain is courting an old battleaxe widow as an excuse for spying activities."

Janet Dawson’s PW review for Where the Bodies are Buried sniped at her because her heroine/sleuth didn’t figure out who the killer was until the end of the book. [‘Nuff said, although Janet says, "That was the most idiotic hatchet job I’ve ever seen."]

The same week the New York Times called Robert Rosenberg’s first book, Crimes of the City, the most notable thriller of 1991, the reviewer in Ha’arentz said it was a cartoon. "But I think the reviewer issue should be put in perspective," Robert said. "While my agent was trying to sell my first book, I kept asking for the rejections and she kept saying no. Finally, after she found a publisher (Simon & Shuster), she sent me a sampling of the rejections. One editor wrote: ‘The plotting is elegant, the writing pedestrian, and the characters are flat.’ Another editor wrote: ‘The writing is elegant, the plotting pedestrian and the characters are lively.’ And a third wrote that the writing was flat, the characters interesting and the plotting terrific. In other words, one can only wonder if they read the same book!"

And finally, Joe Scarpato says his favorite pan was a one-word summation of A.A. Milne’s The Red House Mystery. Joe simply wrote "Pooh!"

Have you ever thanked a reviewer for a review? Recently a Sisters in Crime sib posted (on the SinC loop) that she’d be attending Bouchercon for the very first time and that she was the author of a horror novel. I responded privately. I told her that I was a sucker for horror novels and I’d be happy to meet her for a cup of coffee or to hoist a mug. I said that I’ve been attending Bouchercons since before Noah learned to count and, although Bouchercon seems a wee bit overwhelming, it’s really not. She wrote back: "I’d love to get together. But in a way we’ve already met. I recognized your name and went to my files and sure enough I’d reviewed Beat Up A Cookie in ’94.  You sent me a letter thanking me and at the bottom you said, ‘I hope we meet some day, so that I can reiterate–in person–just how much your COOKIE review meant to me.’ Wow.  What are the odds?  So I’m really looking forward to meeting you now."

And that’s my quote of the week! šŸ™‚

Household Hint from Eye of Newt‘s Aunt Lillian:

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Authors reading this blog: Please email your favorite [outrageous] review stories to me at deni@denisedietz.com  and I’ll include them — with links to your blog and/or website — in a future Quibbles & Bits…

…or in that article I plan to write someday.

Over and Out,
Deni

Save A Writer, Buy a New Book!

Note from Pari Noskin Taichert
I first saw this thought-provoking article on the Novelists Inc. listserv. The author, Susan Gable, gave everyone on that list permission to reprint the piece as needed. I believe the issue of used bookstores — their merit and economic impact — is something that authors and readers will increasingly debate. I look forward to the discussion we’ll have here.

by Susan Gable

The recent demise of yet another Harlequin line, this time the kick-butt heroine line Bombshell, got me to thinking, which, as anyone who knows me will tell you is always a dangerous thing. I heard from a number of readers who were surprised by the closing, because they had friends who just "loved that line!"

I’ve also heard things like this: "I can’t believe they closed that line. I loved that line. I read those books every month at my library."

Before I go any farther with this discussion, I have to offer up a disclaimer. I love libraries. Especially as a child with a voracious appetite for story, I borrowed armloads of books from my local library. I love bargains, too. I shop like men hunt or play sports. It’s a victory when I score a bargain. (New black cocktail dress, originally $79, marked down to only $16. SCORE!) Used books are great bargains. Swapping books, another great bargain. The new websites on-line, where you can "rent" a book, in a system similar to NetFlix, are also an interesting bargain. Good grief, even the airports these days have a program where you can buy a book, read it, then sell it back to them. What a bargain!

But did you realize that those bargains could be putting your favorite line or your favorite author out of business?

It’s a difficult, touchy subject for authors to discuss. We don’t want to appear anti-used books (’cause we’re not — not entirely, anyway), or make readers think we’re money-grubbers, always harping on them to buy our books. We all know (believe me, we KNOW — most writers don’t make anywhere close to as much money as people think we do) how tight money can be sometimes, especially with the rising costs of gas and heating fuel, and food, and taxes, and, well, you know. Everything.

We’ve been known ourselves to sometimes borrow and trade books, or buy used. Or go to the library.

But publishing these days is a strictly-by-the-numbers business, which means if the numbers don’t live up to the publisher’s expectations, a writer can kiss her slot/line/future contracts good-bye.

"Where’s SoAndSo’s latest book? How come she hasn’t published another story in that series that I love so much?" If you find yourself asking that question, it could be that your favorite, SoAndSo, got cut loose because the numbers of that last book in the series didn’t do as well as the one before that. How did you get your hands on that last book? Did you buy it new, contributing to the continuation of the series, or did you bargain read it? Bargain reads don’t count towards our numbers.

Writers, especially those of us at the "lower echelons" of the publishing world, need our readers more than ever. Without you, there would be no point in what we do. (Well, okay, there’s a certain satisfaction in telling yourself a story, but it’s the audience that makes it truly special. It’s a shared dream.) But now, because of numbers, we need your support even more.

Our careers, our lines, even our publishers, live and die by the numbers.

So please, where and when you can, save a writer. Buy a new book. We’ll all thank you for it. And that way, you’ll have more choices of books in the future.

Susan Gable thanks her fans for buying her books. Her latest book, THE PREGNANCY TEST, sold well, thanks to them. It was also awarded the National Readers’ Choice Award for Best Long Contemporary.

Time Is On My Side. Yes, It Is.

Jeffrey Cohen

The editor working on my next book (I don’t like saying, “my editor,” as I believe owning another person was outlawed in this country a while back; on the other hand, I don’t say, “the woman who chose to marry me,” so maybe I’m a hypocrite about that–I’m sorry, what were we talking about?) made an interesting request this week. In an email right before she left for another continent, she asked if I would mind if the deadlines–and therefore the publication dates–of the second and third books in the series that hasn’t started yet were moved up, a month in one case, two months in another. I’d been working pretty rapidly at the revisions on the first book; she assumed I’d be able to work with the same type of speed on the others.

The reasons for doing so were all good–it’s easier for a publisher to generate excitement about a series if the books are coming at a (slightly) faster clip; it helps build momentum and keeps people from forgetting that I write book they might have enjoyed in the past. But it was an unexpected request.

I had to think about it, hard. After all, I’ve never written fiction on a deadline before.

Let me repeat that: I’ve never written fiction on a deadline before.

It’s a daunting proposition. Even the years I was busying myself with setting the Guiness World Record (and since when does a beer company get to determine what’s a world record?) for Most Unproduced Screenplays, I never had to worry about when the work would be finished. I’m a pretty fast writer, once I’m ready to write, but I’ve never had to consider the idea of a deadline before.

Later, when the Unproduced Screenplays became Published Mystery Novels, I was still operating pretty much on my own schedule. The first book was written “on spec,” as we Hollywood wannabees like to say, so it could take as long as it wanted (which turned out to be less than two months of actual writing time), and the second and third in the Aaron Tucker series were written with the understanding that the publisher would accept them whenever they were ready, which was usually pretty soon–again, no deadline, so no pressure.

The book currently being edited in preparation for publication in (get ready) October, 2007 was also written without a publisher attached; that is, I wrote it as a way to find a new publisher, assuming that the search would be futile. When I was recommended to a wonderful agent, who found a home for the Comedy Tonight series in less than a month, boy, was there egg on my face! Well, no. There really wasn’t egg on my face. I don’t eat eggs much. Cholesterol, you know. Not to mention, eggs aren’t really anything special, in my view. But I was sure surprised, I’ll tell ya.

My writing pattern is usually something like this: I get the idea for the basic plot, and after letting it cook in my head for a while (which can be anywhere from 10 minutes to five years), decide it’s time to write. I start off like a house afire (although I refuse to believe that a house on fire has ever written a decent novel), strong in my belief that this book will be done in roughly a week and a half.

Then, for reasons I’ve never fully understood, I stop writing. I never know when it’s going to happen. I finish writing for a particular day, knowing full well what’s going to be written tomorrow, and then the next day, I don’t write anything. In some cases, I don’t write another word for months on end. In others, it’s been weeks. But there’s always this huge break in the middle. So when I say that my first novel took less than two months to write, that’s accurate: the time I was actually sitting and writing was no doubt two months or less. But it was probably closer to six calendar months before I got to type “The End” at the bottom of a screen.

In other cases, the break has been shorter, and sometimes, about the same. I don’t believe in writer’s block–I always know what the next sentence will be, but somehow, I put off typing it–but it’s undeniable, and now it’s gotten to be A Thing.

So given the question, I have to wonder: can I write fiction on time? Or will the very fact that there is a deadline intimidate me to distraction? Is it possible for me to have a draft done when my contract says I must? To be fair, even if The Break were to last as long as it’s ever lasted, there would still be plenty of time before my deadline hit. Assuming I was starting today.

And I do have about two pages of material written. I expect I’ll write more next week.

Probably.

ON THE BUBBLE WITH LINDA RICHARDS

I’m a great admirer of Linda Richards.  Naturally.  I mean, she wouldn’t be here – On The Bubble – if I wasn’t, right?  Right.  She’s genuine, full of the devil, a wicked e-mail pal, a multi-talented reporter, stock trader – and one hell of a mystery writer.  And I particularly admire those who take plunges.  And Linda and David (life-mate and an extremely talented photographer and graphic artist) did – they took a chance on something they wanted to do – JANUARY MAGAZINE – and it quickly became one of the most respected internet stops for book lovers.  But that’s just Success Story No. One.

Success Story No. Two?  Three terrific mysteries with a protag – Madeline Carter – who is not only fun to hang out with, she’s wonderfully wry – and savy as hell!  Madelines’ first appearance – as you already know – was in MAD MONEY.  I loved that book!  And then I met up with her again in THE NEXT EX.  Now I’m tagging along with her in CALCULATED LOSS – which just came out.  Grab it!  You’ll thank me.  Have I ever steered you wrong?

So get your morning coffee handy, or your afternoon whatever – and join me whilst I chat with Linda.

EE:  Linda, at what point in your career did you find it necessary to break your addiction to watching back-to-back reruns of ‘I Love Lucy’? 

LR:  Who told you I had broken it?  They lie like a bad rug!

Lie like a bad rug?  Where’s my notebook?  I gotta steal that one.

EE:  Is it true you listen to Tchaiksovsky whilst you write?  I hear your nearest neighbor is having a breakdown because you play Swan Lake over, and over and over.

LR:  And over and over and…but it’s very aerobic, actually.  Not the playing, of course.  But the dancing.  On my deck.  In a tutu.  It clears the mind.

It may clear YOUR mind, but what about the neighbor?  Oh, wait.  Maybe shes complaining because her husband is watching you dance? I mean – that tutu must be absolutely fetching.

EE:  Okay, forget the neighbor.  It’s her problem.  So, tell me about your favorite retreat and what you do there.

LR:  There are those who would say I live on retreat.  I can’t help it: it’s the life I’ve helped build.  But when I want to get away from my retreat-like life, I take a bath.  Plots get untwisted when I’m floating in the tub with the intention of disengaging my mind.  Go figure.

I can relate to that.  Driving or a long shower does it for me.  Besides-it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than flying to Cannes.

EE:  Everyone has a Walter Mitty dream.  Now, some of my guests have come up with some really goofy ones – but I’m sure your’s will be just terrific!  So, Linda – what’s yours?

LR:  I don’t dream about Walter Mitty at all.  He’s not my type:too meek.  And, anyway, isn’t he married?

That wasn’t the answer I was looking for.  But what the hell.  Oh, uh, no – he’s not married.  He’s dead.

EE:  Okay, Linda – here’s a hot one.  Word on the street is that you’re ghosting Joan Rivers new biography.  Care to comment?

LR:  I didn’t realize that had gotten out.

Gotten out?  All of Mysterville is on fire with the rumors!  Hell, even Rush Limbaugh is talking about it…and Letterman!  And I hear Penzler is foaming at the mouth.  Did you know she rejected him?

EE:  Okay, now that we can consider the rumors true, here’s the next one.  Since Joan’s latest face lift didn’t work very well-I’m told she’s begging you to have plastic surgery to look like her so you can do her book tour.  What’s the scoop on that one?  You can tell me.  You know I can keep it zipped.

LR:  Yeah.  Right.  You’ll keep it zipped.  You and your damned bubble.  But, (ahem) seriously…I’m considering her offer.  Can you imagine what Joan Rivers’ book tours look like?  The limos, the line-ups, the general perks?  It’s tempting.  I tell you.

On my ‘book tours’ I’m lucky if they don’t mix-up my half-sweet mocha and bring me a cappuccino.  And the last media escort they toured me didn’t have anything like a limo. I don’t know what it was except it looked like something out of the Flintstones:  I had to poke my feet through the floorboards to help with the impulsion when we where going uphill.  (Good thing I wasn’t wearing my Manolos.)  And another thing…everyone keeps cracking wise about Joan’s surgery.  But let’s be honest: don’t you think she looks fantastic for 112?

Ah, the life of a writer, huh?  But if it helps to know – I didn’t get a limo either.  But, Linda!  Just think of what the Rivers tour will be like!  And did you know she always has an assistant with her?  I’ll be free soon, and I take quick notes.  I can even carry a few books. Ohhh…I can see it now!  The long line of fans, the guest appearances on TV, the five star hotels…the cover on People.  Uh, all for you of course.

EE:  My spy up your way tells me that the local Mycological Society is planning on naming you Woman of the Year!  What an honor!  But – is it also true that you’re supposed to provide proof of your culinary skills besides your foraging expertise?  I mean, isn’t that a bit strange?

LR:  OK:  I know that’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, but it’s skating close enough to the truth that I’ll just leave it alone.  As you know, I actually do enjoy collecting edible mushrooms in the fall and my skill at identifying edible varieties is locally renowned. (I don’t wear Manolos for that, either.)

Guests at my table know that my mushroom risotto might boast lobster mushrooms and chanterelles that I’ve collected with my own little hands.  And no (I think I’ll head this one off right now) none of my future mysteries feature death by poisonous mushrooms.  My mysteries are of a more urban nature than my current life.  I write better outside of the landscape.

Linda and I have traded mushroom hunting stories and I wanted her legions of fans to know how very much accomplished she is in this most specialized and dangerous field.  Knowing the difference between what’s good and what isn’t – ain’t an easy task.

EE:  A new spy of mine (who may not last if this rumor proves to be untrue) tells me that Pam Anderson wants to option your Madeline Carter series, but you turned her down.

LR:  It’s a lie.  I didn’t turn her down.  Pam Anderson would make a terrific Madeline Carter.  OK: so Pam is about a foot shorter than I ever envisioned Madeline and slightly more…er…zaftig,.  But…and here I go trying to pull the tongue out of your cheek again.  I’m sorry ..Pam has a much better sense of comedic timing than people give her credit for.  Something about being blinded by the boobs, I guess.  People can’t seem to see past the upholstery.  But she could do it, sure.  It would just be very, very different than I ever envisioned it.

Plus Pam is Canadian so you hafta to know there’s a good girl under all that goop and plastic:  the heart might be obscured, but it’s certainly there.

Well, in that case…?  I mean, who would have thought, huh?

EE:  I understand you have a bad habit of belting out ‘Singing In The Rain’ when you hit the nasty brick wall when you’re writing – and David (bless his heart) – claims you’re tone deaf and is begging you to find another tune.

LR:  Oh but I already have!  Now it’s ‘Creep" by Radiohead.  It delivers a whole different vibe.

Uh, yes…I can see where it might.  But hey, if you’re happy?  And David’s happy?  Why not?

EE:  Who would be your ideal panel mates?  Come on now, don’t be shy.  Go for it.

LR:  That’s too hard!  The panel would be big enough to fill a whole conference.  Seriously:  I’ve enjoyed every panel I’ve been on.  They’ve all been terrific panel mates.

Very diplomatic! But then, you are the epitome of discretion.  I tell everyone I know that.  Call me later, okay?

EE:  Whispers are rampant that you’re not really Linda L. Richards, but the long-lost granddaughter of Al Capone and you’re hiding from Geraldo Rivera who is still looking for Al’s buried loot-and he swears you know where it is.

LR:  Gack!  But your sources are good.  Only it’s Jimmy Hoffa and Katie Couric.

What??  Hold the presses!  Oh, could this be the end of Katie’s new CBS job?

EE:  Which writer would you love to have all to yourself in a cozy corner of the bar at the next ThrillerFest? 

LR:  Why you, of course, Elaine darling.  We’ve many battle tales to swap over as many glasses of wine.

Oh, gosh.  I’m flattered.  Really, I am!  I mean, of all the big names you could have mentioned?  But hey, we could really run up a bar tab, huh?  Remind me to tell you about….well, later.

EE:  Which writer would be your ideal book tour mate?

LR:  Joan Rivers.  No wait…we already did her.  Neil Gaiman, I think.  Or Anne Rice.  The two of them have the most interesting people turn up at signings.  Gaiman told me he once had a woman ask him to sign her body.. I don’t remembe where.   Some place not so subtle, I’m thinking.  The intention was she was going to have the signature tattooed in place immediately after.  I can’t remember if he did or not, though.  I suspect he did.  And Anne Rice has people come in costume: dressed as various characters from her many books.

Gaiman, huh?  Hmmm.  How nice of him to comply.  Anne Rice’s characters in costume?  Really?  I mean, fangs, and blood and…Oh my..I think I can miss that.

EE:  You’re having six guests for dinner.  Who would they be, and what would you serve?

LR:  The possibilities are too vast, the combinations too inviting.  Let’s try this just for fun:  Otto Penzler and Paris Hilton (wouldn’t they be a cute couple?), Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston (just so we could watch them throw things, maybe food) and you, Elaine.  Because you wouldn’t want to miss all the fun.

And what to serve?  Well, (she said modestly) I’m a fabulous cook, so the choices here are also vast.  The whole cooking thing surprises people who meet Madeline before the meet me because Madeline does not and can not cook anything beyond rice cakes and toast.  And I…well I reverse engineer things I try in posh restaurants just for kicks.  I’m a kook that way.  And nothing relaxes me more like making a good bernaise.  I’m a fairly serious foody.  And I’m not a blonde ex-stockbroker, either, so I don’t get the big confusion.

So…what to make…I seem to have mushroom risotto on the brain now, so that seems to be a good place to start.  And risotto is a good dinner party thing, because you can bring it close and then just leave it alone in the kitchen while you enjoy drinks and canapes with your guests, then you can scurry back to the kitchen and finish the risotto in the last 15 minutes before serving.

Penzle & Paris??  A match made in heaven!  Pitt, Jolie and Aniston?  And moi??  Oh, I can’t wait!!  I wouldn’t miss that for the world.  I’ll even wash the dishes to get in on that one.  Besides, mushroom risotto is one of my favorites.  Uh, could you do a show and tell with the bernaise?  I never could get that to come out right. 

Well, see what I mean about being multi-talented??  Not only does Linda put out a premier review site, she has a blog, she’s one hell of a mystery writer, she’s an expert on mushrooms in the wild, and she COOKS??  Oh, but I feel so unaccomplished.  But even so, I still think the world of her.  So visit Linda at: http://www.lindalrichards.com   And January Magazine at: http://www.janmag.com

And while you’re at January Magazine-don’t forget to click on THE RAP SHEET – with J. Kingston Pierce.  And DON’T FORGET TO PICK UP CALCULATED LOSS!!

Thanks to Linda Richards for being a terrific guest – and for putting up with me.  She didn’t have to, you know?  But then, I only invite the best and the brightest.  And next week?  Ah…a big surprise is in store for you. He’s a debut writer who is already the talk of Mysteryville!   

We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

JT Ellison

Ah, itā€™s September. Back to school, back to work. Back to drooling over the pen and paper selection at my local Staples. I have a serious problem when it comes to "school supplies."

Iā€™ve usurped my original column this week to bring you up to date on
quite a few goings on. Some may wonder why I havenā€™t been babbling on about all
the things happening with the new book deal, given that Iā€™m the newbie and Iā€™m
supposed to be giving you that perspective. Thing is, itā€™s a quiet, long
process to get some of the formalities out of the way.

So, with some fanfare ā€“ I signed my contracts!!!

And everything is very, very real for the first time since
May.

Donā€™t get me wrong, Iā€™ve been prone to bouts of grinning for
no apparent reason other than the thought crosses my mind that yes, when I say
Iā€™m a writer and I get that inevitable question, ā€œOh, where can I buy your
books?ā€ Iā€™m now able to say with confidence, ā€œNext November, anywhere and
everywhere.ā€ And I’ll admit to a few moments of jig dancing these past couple of
months. Too bad Iā€™m a lousy dancer.

Thankfully, there’s been some real work getting done amidst the playtime.

Thereā€™s lots going on behind the scenes with Killer Year,
and thereā€™s going to be oodles to say about that later this month.

I have a new website too, thanks to my darling Hubby. If you haven’t had a chance, stop by and take a look. It needs some work, there’s a technical glitch in the software that’s being worked on so I can finish populating the links, etc. But I love it, and hope you do too!

If you really want a laugh, I’m making my appointment with a photographer for the official "Author Photo." That’s frightening in and of itself. And my new business cards arrived today. They are too cool. I’ve graduated to Overnight Prints, rather than doing it myself on the laser printer. There’s a step in the right direction for ya!

Iā€™ve had some time off, sort of, and actually didnā€™t touch
the computer for two days in a row, which has to be some kind of record for me.

But what Iā€™ve been focused on, fighting for, immersing
myself in is serious, balls to the wall writing.

The second book is halfway done, and I want to complete it
by November 1st. I have the plot for Book 3, which is stellar news
for my mind gremlins, because they can go back to worrying about other things
while I finish Book 2. I have new goals and deadlines that are mandated, and
those dates are further out, but Iā€™m sticking to my original schedule to give
myself some breathing room in case of maiming or dismemberment, which is about
the only thing that will keep me from my deadlines.

Iā€™ve also done some short stories, the first of which is
available now at one of the coolest new sites on the web.

MOUTH FULL OF BULLETS, a innovative ezine from the devious
mind of B.J. Bourg, is live with their Fall issue, and my flash piece THE
TEMPEST is up there, pretty as you please. To top it off, itā€™s the first time
Iā€™ve been paid for my work. You know how businesses pin their first dollar
about the register? Iā€™m framing the check, with B.J.ā€™s permission, of course.

I have another coming next week, a full-length short story
called KILLING CAROL ANN, in the special fall double issue of SPINETINGLER
MAGAZINE. My hatā€™s off to Sandra Ruttan and Kevin Einarson, the editors of
SPINETINGLER, for all the amazing work they are doing with this internationally
acclaimed ezine. This will be their first issue available in print too.

Iā€™m so thrilled with the number of places where first time
writers and seasoned veterans can mingle in print. FLASHING IN THE GUTTERS is
one of my favorites, and I contribute frequently over there. DEMOLITION
MAGAZINE is one of the strongest, tightest run ships on the net, and their
current issue is mind blowing.

There are many more, but these are markets Iā€™ve found who
welcome newcomers, who encourage submissions, who treat their writers with
respect and are gracious in their critiques.

I highly recommend everyone do at least a flash piece this
week, support our communityā€™s ezines.

So, now that Iā€™m done tooting my own horn, I do hope you
enjoy the stories. Shorts for me are a way to deviate from my prescribed path,
to explore new points of view, develop new characters, exorcise demons
(literally) and generally have a good time.

I consider them brain medicine.

Weā€™ll now return you to your regularly scheduled
programming.

So, tell me. Share with the mystery community. What have YOU been up to?

Wine of the Week: Hmmmā€¦ Hubby brought home a new varietal,
the Nero Dā€™Avola grape, dark, luscious and very drinkable. This varietal is to
Sicily what Sangiovese grapes are to Tuscany. Hereā€™s a couple to try.

Duca Enrico

Pasqua & Fazio "Mezzo Giorno" 1999 Nero d’Avola


IT’S FOOTBALL TIME… IN TENNESSEE!

GO VOLS!                                    

Tennmfbsidemenu_af

New MexicFacts

by Pari Noskin Taichert

Sometimes, it’s fun to take a vacation from the heady world of publishing and marketing. I thought you might like to test your knowledge about New Mexico.

I hope you enjoy this test. I’ve based the questions on information in NEW MEXICO TRIVIA by Robert Ellis, Mary Clark & Jim Clark (Rutledge Hill Press, 1996, Nashville, Tennessee.)

I’ll post the answers at the end of the day.

1.

My Inner Circle

I canā€™t send anything out unless someone has read it.  I donā€™t have the confidence or the objectivity that what Iā€™ve written is good enough to send out.  On one hand, Iā€™m bound to have made some daft error that will condemn me in the eyes of an editor.  Many years ago, I submitted a manuscript with all my notes written in the margins and my crossings out.  Iā€™d picked up the wrong draft and sent it by mistake.  On the other hand, I might think the story is ready, when itā€™s still over-wordy or something.  So I need a second set of eyes to look my stuff over.

Like Iā€™ve mentioned before, Julie is my primary reader and editor.  She works very closely with me on everything.  She doesnā€™t even like me leaving the house by myself.  I get into trouble very easily.  Julie, Julie, these men said I couldnā€™t swallow all these balloons full of white powder, but I proved them wrong.  Iā€™ll be home late tonight.  Iā€™m off to Columbia.  For this reason and many others, she goes through my work, correcting grammar and logic issues.  Julieā€™s great for this, because sheā€™s a technical person.  Her talents lie in correcting structure.

But this is only one part of the review. Julie gets too close to the material after a while, so I need a number of readers for other aspects.  If Iā€™m having trouble with certain scenes, chapters, what have you, I have a number of experienced authors whoā€™ll give it the once over.  They know what works and what doesnā€™t. 

Until recently, I had a grammartologist on staff.  Me and grammar, well, we shook hands once at a party, but Iā€™m not sure Iā€™d recognize grammar if it said hi, so I need help.  Julieā€™s late father stepped in there.  Heā€™d tear through the manuscript and make all the final adjustments that wouldnā€™t get me laughed out of an editorā€™s office.

I have a couple of people who are just fans of the genre.  Theyā€™re veracious readers and thatā€™s good for me.  The more I write, the less I get to read.  There isnā€™t the time, so I need a couple of buddies that read everything to help keep me current.  I send my manuscripts their way for a readerā€™s gut reaction. All I want to know from them is whether they liked it.  Was it fun, different, a page-turner?  The problem of staying within the circle of editors and other professionals is that you get a one-sided view.  My reader readers give me a feel for what likely readers are to think.

I need all these people for their various skills, but I just canā€™t pick anyone.  Their input is vital.  I need people who are brutally honest.  I canā€™t afford to have people be kind.  My special readers have no qualms about telling me how much I suck.  Sometimes, I think they enjoy their jobs a little too much.

The reason I go through this is that first impressions count–especially in publishing.  I want everything I turn in to an editor to be better than the last thing I turned in, even if I have a contract for it, or theyā€™re going to change or tweak something anyway (and they will).  It doesnā€™t matter.  I donā€™t want him thinking Iā€™m sloppy.  I want to make the editorā€™s job easier.  The less time he has to correct the obvious, the more time can be spent on correcting the not so obvious.  I want all these people to make me a better writer.

So please join me in giving all my readers a round of applause, because none of them are getting a cut of the royalties…

Read on,
Simon Wood

L.A. MIX PROFILE: Newspaper Writer Patricia McFall

NAOMI HIRAHARA

I was waiting for newspaper features writer Mcfall_p Patricia McFall in a Japanese restaurant in Pasadena, California. I was scheduled to be interviewed for an article in my hometown newspaper, the Pasadena Star-News. Through the window I saw a PT Cruiser park alongside the curb. Cool carā€“first sign that this would be a good interview. Out emerged a tall redhead. She rushed into the restaurant, sat down with me, and the conversation began.

As my blogmate Pari Noskin Taichert wrote last month, many interviewers donā€™t even read the books of their subjects, but that was not the case with Patricia. Insightful questions and then when the story finally came out in the tabloid U-Section of the San Gabriel Newspapers (Pasadena Star-News, San Gabriel Tribune, and Whittier Daily News), I was so impressed with how well the article was written. And if that wasnā€™t enough, a few months later the Long Beach Press-Telegram picked up Patriciaā€™s story for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month in May 2005, making it the cover story for the U-Section and even placing a teaser above the masthead on the front page. What more could a fledgling author even dream of?

While many of us are familiar with the reviewers and writers for larger metropolitan newspapers, I thought it would be helpful to profile a writer for suburban newspapers in Southern California. (For more information regarding the holdings of the parent company, Media News Group, Inc., see this website.) Without further ado, here is Patricia McFall.

How would you describe yourself professionally? Freelancer? Stringer? Writing coach? All of the above? How many publications do you write for and can you describe the "U Section"–how many newspapers share content for that?

Iā€™m a freelance writer and editor. I also teach fiction and coach writers privately. Iā€™ve published one suspense novel, a half-dozen short stories of which three are mystery, and many non-fiction features, book reviews, and a regular style column. Iā€™ve also been editing an online academic journal for the California State University system. Formerly, I ran the Programs for Writers at Cal State Fullerton extension for three years, where it was so much fun to set up classes taught by mystery stars like Elizabeth George and T. Jefferson Parker.

For three years, I wrote regularly for the lifestyle sections of the San Gabriel Valley Newspaper Group, which includes three dailies: the Pasadena Star-News, the Whittier Daily News, and the San Gabriel Valley Tribune. That group is in turn part of the larger Los Angeles Newspaper Group, which has other papers in the San Fernando Valley (Los Angeles Daily News) Long Beach (Press-Telegram) and three in the Inland Empire. Some of those occasionally pick up my pieces. Iā€™ve eased off some of the newspaper work recently to have more time to write fiction, but Iā€™m still involved in reviewing books and profiling local authors.

How many author profiles/book reviews do you estimate that you do a year? And how many of those are related to mysteries?

Of those, a dozen were about authors, but only one was on a mystery writer and one mystery-relatedā€”if you call Anne Rice that. She was a great interview, and author profiles are among my favorites because writers are almost always articulate, smart, and interesting.

Iā€™ve also reviewed half a dozen mystery or suspense novels and a non-fiction book by a mystery author.

Describe your involvement with the mystery genre. I believe that you participated in some mystery conventions in the past. Which ones?

I attended Bouchercon and Left Coast Crime in the ā€˜90s, where I enjoyed being on and going to panels, and I did a presentation on Dashiell Hammett, where I got to interview Joe Gores and William Nolan. Conventions offer writers such a wonderful chance to connect with other writers, since weā€™re all readers and fans too. I remember stalking Ross Thomas and, realizing that he was about to leave the convention, running up to him to get his signature on my MWA card because I didnā€™t have any of his books on me. On an airport shuttle bus, I told Lawrence Block I knew who he was. He grinned and replied, "More than I can say most days." Wonderful and funny.

Iā€™m lucky to count some terrific mystery/suspense authors as friends, including Barbara Seranella, Taylor Smith, and the late Patricia Guiver, who was my first student to be published. I never would have met any of them had I not been in the mystery world.

Conventions also offer the chance to learn a lot about publishing and to make good contacts, though I donā€™t advise a frontal-attack pitch to agents or editors trying to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee alone. Get business cards and use them, that kind of thing.

The workshops related to writersā€™ conventionsā€”not just mystery gatheringsā€”can be very worthwhile, and Iā€™ve enjoyed teaching short-term classes for some of them.

How do you get ideas for your reviews/columns? Does your editor assign them to you? Do you want ARCs/galleys sent directly to you? If so, where should authors send them?

My editor used to be a student in my mystery-writing class, so itā€™s been a wonderful role reversal and collaboration since I wasnā€™t trained in journalism. Sheā€™s a great mentor and spoiled me rotten, letting me cherry-pick assignments. Most of my style topics were my own suggestionsā€”like how to get a bra that fits, or how to spot quality workmanship in ready-to-wear clothes. Others were seasonal, but she usually let me put my consumerist spin on, say, the wedding dress industry or movie starsā€™ unfortunate fashion choices.

I usually get review copies of books from my editor, very seldom galleys, but Iā€™d love to see new mysteries from legitimate publishers. Iā€™m pretty finicky and am not very interested in e-books or self-published/POD books. Maybe Iā€™ve read too many unpublished manuscripts in my time, including for my old agent. Meaning no disrespect, but in an earlier era, many self-published books would either have been rewritten or remained in a drawer. Of course, there are notable exceptions, as in the case of African American authors who self-published fantastic books because big publishers were ignoring them. Iā€™m sure that agents and publishers can be blind to other stunning new talent, so please donā€™t send me hate mail for having that opinion!

For my purposes, an author has to live in Southern California, preferably in the San Gabriel Valley, for me to do a profile or review. Anyone wanting to send me a book, please email me first at offthecuff@surfside.net.

What tips would you suggest for authors who want to explore getting placement in the San Gabriel Newspapers/Long Beach Press-Telegram, etc.?

If you think reviewers are busy, wait until you meet a features editor! Iā€™d say a good old press release is the most appropriate way to make contact. Be sure to approach a paper where you live or where your books are set, as a local angle is essential. Itā€™s best not to bother an editor otherwise. I expect some people prefer paper releases and some electronic, so you could do worse than to send both. Newspaper websites often have a staff directory so you can send it to a specific person.

Have you won any awards for writing? If so, which ones?

Well, sort of. I never entered any contests, and my fiction portfolio is pitifully thin. However, my novel, NIGHT BUTTERFLY, was chosen by the L.A. Times as a yearā€™s best-ten crime novel, and my piece on the history of velvet has been nominated for a best-column newspaper award. The Boston Globe said my first short story was worth the price of the paperback anthology it appeared in; does that count?

Thank you, Patricia! Patricia said that she’ll be checking in a few times today, so if you have a question or comment, fire away. She might have an answer for you.

Now who will be the subject of next monthā€™s profile? Youā€™ll just have to tune in and see.

WEDNESDAYā€™S WORD: kawaii (SUMMER OF THE BIG BACHI, page 213)

Spend even a couple of hours in a store with any Japanese female from junior high age to young adulthood and youā€™ll undoubtedly hear the screech, "ka-WA-eeeeeee." Kawaii means cute. Just think Hello Kitty, Kero-kero-pi, etc., and you get the picture. Thereā€™s a lot of theories of why kawaii prevails in Japan.

I myself donā€™t have a natural affinity Furenjieitai for cuteness, but itā€™s surprising how easily you can get indoctrinated into the kawaii culture while living in Japan.

Even the military gets a kawaii makeover with this billboard for the Self-Defense Forces. (Photo courtesy of The Hokkaido Crow.)

NESSIE ON THE HALF SHELL

Today I have my first-ever guest blogger, one of my favorite authors: Lillian Stewart Carl. The Murder Hole is Lillian’s (lucky) thirteenth published novel. It’s the second in the Jean Fairbairn/Alasdair Cameron series. The first, The Secret Portrait, is now in paperback. Of her twenty-six published short stories, ranging from science fiction to historical mystery, three have been reprinted in World’s Finest Crime and Mystery Stories III and IV and VI.
Urquhart_1
On the left is a photo of Urquhart Castle above Loch Ness. The woman wearing the blue jacket in the center of the photo is me. I could not, alas, get Nessie [the Loch Ness monster] to make an appearance performing water ballet in the background.
My Jean Fairbairn/Alasdair Cameron mystery series explores the tension between legend and reality. Not that there’s anything wrong with legends, Jean would say. We use them to make sense of ourselves and our world.

Jean’s an American academic who fled a scandal back home and is now writing for a mild-mannered (she keeps insisting) Scottish history and travel magazine. Alasdair’s a burned-out Scottish police detective who says that legends go wrong when true believers refuse to recognize that they are legends—and even use them to justify crimes.

Murder_holeIn The Murder Hole, Jean travels to Loch Ness to write about a stone carved by the mysterious ancient Picts, as well as to interview an American businessman intent on proving the existence of the Loch Ness monster. "Nessie," an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in the Scottish tourist industry, is choice fodder for Jean’s magazine. Until one of Dempsey’s assistants is killed. Alasdair Cameron is on the case. And on Jean’s nerves, not altogether unpleasantly.
"Do you believe Nessie exists?" Jean asks him.
"I’m after keeping my fantasy compartmented," he replies.
But is Nessie a fantasy?
To begin, there’s the sixth-century tale of St. Columba saving one of his followers from a loch monster. Taken in context, though, as Jean’s academic training has taught her to do, the tale is no more than a typical saintly miracle story.

A carved Pictish stone supposedly from the area-it’s been taken out of context as well-depicts a serpent-like creature. Is this Nessie? Or is it a snake? Who knows? And yet the Picts, while not the best known of Scotland’s ancient inhabitants, did exist.

Yetis might live in the isolated valleys of the Himalayas-the jury’s still out. The verdict is in on the coelacanth, a living fossil which has been found in the depths of the ocean. But Loch Ness is not a similar remote area. Most of the population of Scotland is a short drive away. Even before roads were carved through the Highlands, the loch itself was a highway. Victorians cruised to and fro and wrote poems about the landscape.

The sad truth is that no creature was reported in the loch until 1933, when a local man sent letters about cryptic sightings to the Inverness newspaper. Was he mistaken, was he mad, or was he deliberately committing fraud? No one can say for sure. I certainly can’t—in The Murder Hole I’ve created a new character with complex motivations to send those letters.

Of the millions of people who have visited Loch Ness since then, not one has taken a photo that is undisputedly of the monster. Expeditions have pulled every technological rabbit out of every technological hat, and not one has found definitive proof. Still, Nessie has been seen, over and over again.

Loch Ness is narrow, cold, and deep, and given to illusions of light and shadow, wind and mist. If seeing is believing, then when it comes to Nessie, believing is seeing. But as a good cop like Alasdair could tell you, eyewitnesses are notoriously unreliable.

None of this makes any difference to the lure of Nessie, just as the facts about any other popular Scottish legend—William Wallace comes to mind—leave the booming Scottish heritage industry largely unaffected. This is something that Jean finds amusing, even inspirational. Alasdair, on the other hand, is given to fits of "Bah, humbug" and mutters about Theme Park Scotland.

The Nessie industry is focused on Drumnadrochit. The town is just a couple of miles from where Urquhart Castle stands in picturesque ruins beside the loch. I remember when the Castle visitor center was a small portable building. Now Historic Scotland runs a huge visitor center that was carved out of the hillside, taking who knows what archaeological evidence with it. Yes, its construction was controversial. I myself heard a local boatman refer to Hysterical Scotland, even as he showed his passengers the many-times-copied sonar readings and underwater photos of blotches and blobs that are supposedly traces of Nessie.

The presentation at the Visitor Center emphasizes the real history of the area. As Jean notes, Historic Scotland has resisted the impulse to disney the place up with audio-animatronic clansmen and a Nessie running back and forth on an underwater track. Not so the village of Drumnadrochit. It is awash in fluorescent green Nessie souvenirs (why green?), most of which were made in China. There are gift shops, restaurants, tours, exhibitions, and a fiberglass Nessie floating in a small pond.

Nessie is not the only mysterious figure associated with the area. Aleister Crowley, the self-styled black magician, lived above the loch around 1900. If he had seen a mystifying creature  from his front porch, he’d surely have mentioned it, or even taken credit for its appearance. But in spite of his self-serving logorrhea, he said not a word about Nessie.

If Nessie is regarded fondly by the locals, Crowley is not. I found his biography in a gift shop in Drumnadrochit. When I presented it to the gentleman behind the cash register, he recoiled as though I’d offered him a grenade. There’s a lot of residual feeling in the area about Crowley, he said, both bad and good—and clearly his was bad. The real (as in real weird) character of Crowley provides a sub-plot in The Murder Hole, and my conversation with the shop owner led to another.

Do I personally believe in Nessie? No. But I certainly believe in mystery, and not just the ones in pages of books.

What is Success?

by Pari Noskin Taichert

Living in the here and now is fine and dandy, but I’ll save that for another incarnation.

In this here and now, I work toward goals rather than "going with the flow."

But when will I know I’ve succeeded as an author?

Will it be when I can buy two Hummers that run on bio-diesel? Or, when millions of fans buy my books? Does it have to do with quality? Quantity? Ego inflation?

Is there a hierarchy of success?

I decided to make a list of benchmarks, actual measurements, against which I could gauge growth or slippage. The items fell into three nifty categories.

THE PATH TO PUBLICATION
1. Deciding to call myself a "writer"
2. Finishing my first story
3. Letting other people (beyond friends & family) read it
4. Starting a novel
5. Finishing the novel
6. Finding an agent
7. Getting published

Sherri Burr, an author of five law books, has this to say, "Initially, I thought it was great when I read stories to my critique group and they said it was ‘great.’ Whoopie doo! It doesn’t matter how many people think you’re great until the work sees the light of day by being published."

I tend to agree with her. To me, the validation comes when a piece is vetted by others and they invest in my work as well.

Even more though, success means that I can make a living at my chosen profession. This might be too important to me, an obsession. With what I’ve learned since thinking about success these last few days, I wonder if I’m styming myself by putting too much weight on #16.

Here’s the second area on my list.

THE BRASS TACKS
8. Cashing that first advance
9. Seeing my books in stores
10. Being recognized by store clerks
11. Getting the first royalty check
12. Receiving positive reader feedback (fan mail, happy comments at signings and bookclubs)
13. Meeting a stranger in the airport who is reading my book
14. Receiving award nominations
15. Finding an agent who is truly a good fit
16. Earning more money than I’ve spent on marketing (i.e. earning a living)

In her response to my query, multipublished novelist Jane Lindskold refers to most of the above successes but cautions that the pleasure they elicit "doesn’t linger too long."

I trust her perspective and experience. Hence the final section on my ladder of success.

THE DEEPER JOYS
17. Creating exactly the reader reaction I desire
18. Changing people’s perspectives
19. Positively affecting people through my writing
20. Always having new projects, new areas to explore

Gerald M. Weinberg, an internationally recognized software and organizational effectiveness expert, author of a book on writing and, now, a novelist, says, "I feel successful if my writing has made a positive difference in someone’s life."

Jane Lindskold also chimes in at this level. "There have been two areas in which, for me, the sense of success never dims. One is when someone reads one of my stories and responds just as I had hoped . . . .

"The other success is when someone tells me my story or novel has made them see some aspect of the world, personal or otherwise, a bit differently, that reading what I wrote expanded his or her horizons. Again, that sense that my story was successful in showing a new world to someone is heady and wonderful."

In reflecting on the success question this weekend, I’ve realized that a ladder is a good metaphor for looking at this aspect in our professional life. We climb up and down the rungs, sometimes getting stuck at a particular place for a moment, sometimes getting blisters . . .

No rung of this ladder is inherently better, more worthwhile or noble, than the other.

Still, the exercise of defining professional success fulfilled a need. I don’t feel quite so bound by that second level as I had before venturing into this thought-process.

I’d love to hear your perspectives, too. Perhaps we can come up with something that will be instructive, even useful, for writers at all stages of their careers.

May all of you be blessed with rest and heath this Labor Day.

cheers . . .