I’m a Yankee Doodle… Something

Jeffrey Cohen

It doesn’t make sense that I’m a fan of the New York Yankees.

Really, it doesn’t. The Yankees are, in baseball, a symbol of corporate excess, a team with a budget whose allowance for sanitary stockings probably dwarfs the entire operating outlay of, say, the Kansas City Royals. They win so consistently, it was once observed that rooting for them was “like rooting for U.S. Steel.”

The Yankees, to the casual observer, represent all that is bloodless and cold in America. They concentrate strictly on the bottom line. They allow no facial hair below the upper lip, no long hair. They play “God Bless America” (the KATE SMITH version, for the love of Dog!) during the seventh inning stretch. They solve all their problems by signing high-priced free agents with money taken from tickets sold to the Little Guy. Their fans are well known for being less than hospitable to visiting players.

All that is not what I am. I generally try to root for the underdog. I believe in the Little Guy (there aren’t that many littler than me). I think money is the root of all arrogance, although I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to try it out for myself. I can’t stand Kate Smith.

So, why am I a Yankee fan?

Well, let’s begin by debunking some of the myths I so cunningly espoused a few paragraphs ago. Yes, the Yankees sport the highest payroll in baseball, by a very large margin, but among other reasons, that is because they run their business intelligently. Yes, they spend (sometimes overspend) on free agent players, but they also sport a current line-up that includes, on most nights, five position players and sometimes a pitcher or three, all of whom are “home grown,” or came from the team’s farm system.

And the fans? Well, we’re tough, but classy. When a former hero like Tino Martinez, Wade Boggs or Andy Pettitte comes back in an opposing uniform, we cheer them warmly. I’ve been in opposing ballparks where chants about the Yankees, in language most parents would prefer to avoid with their children present, were voiced loudly by entire stadium sections. I can’t say I’ve heard that by the crowd–individuals, yes, but not the whole crowd–in the Bronx. The one time I did hear Yankee fans berate someone in an off-color fashion (the whole Stadium, that time), it was directed at the owner of the New York Yankees, who had traded away Reggie Jackson.

Stephen King is a Red Sox fan. Lee Child is a Yankee fan. Boston gets Ben Affleck, the Bombers get Billy Crystal and Spike Lee.

But none of that is why I’m a Yankee fan. Here’s why I’m a Yankee fan:

In 1965, when I was seven years old, my father got tickets with some friends of his to a game at Yankee Stadium. I don’t recall ever exhibiting an interest in baseball before that, and my father, certainly, was not much of a sports fan. He claimed to root for the New York Giants, eight years after they’d moved to San Francisco, and was unable to name one player on the team. You’d have to have known my father to understand, but it made perfect sense from his point of view.

All sports fans–and make no mistake, I am a RABID Yankee fan with sports tunnel vision; I follow absolutely no other athletes, and take my family out to dinner every Super Bowl Sunday–remember their first in-person game. They wax poetic about the color of the grass on the field, the smell of the hot dogs in the stadium, the way the facade across the upper deck lent a bizarre touch of gentility to the building.

For me, it was the sound.

I remember the way the loudspeakers boomed with organ music (this is WAY before the DiamondVision era, and the players of that era wouldn’t have dreamed of pumping in a special song when they came to bat) before the game. I remember the sound of thousands of people–far fewer than the crowds who come to watch a game today–milling around, waiting for something to get started. I remember the hot dog and soda vendors yelling as they walked up the aisle (my favorite was the beer man, who in the seventh inning started to announce, “last call for the alcohol!”). And I especially remember the voice of the classiest guy on the planet, public address announcer Bob Sheppard, who taught speech at Columbia University, for crying out loud, beginning, “good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Yankee Stadium.” The man’s voice belonged on someone who was regularly addressed as “sire.” And while that voice has gotten a little thinner over the years, it is still there today. Then, it truly sounded like the voice of God.

That was pretty cool.

But that’s not why I’m a Yankee fan. Here’s why I’m a Yankee fan:

My father’s friend had two sons, one of whom sat next to me at the game. He was a serious adult, probably about 16 years old at the time, and I took my cue from him. I might have known that it was supposed to be good when a Yankee hit the ball, but that was about it. I knew nothing about the rules, and this teenager took time to help the littler kid, who was so little he could barely see the game over the man sitting in the row in front of him.

It intrigued me that people in the crowd stood up whenever a Yankees player got a base hit. I had figured, I guess, that they would just applaud, and that a standing ovation was withheld until somebody hit a home run. But again, the sound of the crowd was what I found so fascinating.

At one point, while I was paying attention to the game, the crowd noise suddenly swelled. I was confused, because nothing special had happened. Nobody had gotten a hit; in fact, the batter hadn’t even taken his place at home plate. He was just walking toward it, casually, but I could barely see. The man in the next row up had stood again, and nothing was happening. It just didn’t make sense!

Instinctively, I turned to the young man sitting next to me, who had been explaining the game. He nodded, and pointed at the man approaching the plate.

“That’s Mickey Mantle,” he said. “He’s very good.”

And THAT’S why I’m a Yankee fan.

As a footnote, I feel obligated to point out that in 1965, when there were 10 teams in each league, the Yankees came in 10th in the American League. So maybe I started out rooting for the underdog, after all.

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ON THE BUBBLE WITH DYLAN SCHAFFER – PART TWO

Being an upstanding member of MURDERATI and Mysteryville, I embrace and honor my commitment, I try to comport myself in a professional and responsible manner, I understand and applaud objectivity and I am always compassionate, trueblue and humble-no matter the arrows of slander slung.  I will honor my pledge to present to you – our wonderful and tolerant readers of Murderati and On The Bubble – the second portion of my interview with Dylan Schaffer as promised.

Do I do this under duress?  Nay.  Do I do this with fear of litigation beating in my breast?  Nay.  I do this because I can walk the plank.  I can face the music.  I can look into the mirror and know for certain the answers to my simple questions are indeed the words of Dylan Schaffer and not a figment of my imagination.  They are presented below in the exact manner in which they were offered to Mr. Schaffer – and his answers are EXACTLY as submitted to me. 

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I rest my case.

EE:  Rumor has it, you’re ready to take a chance agai, and do that Sci-fi/Vampire book that’s been haunting you for years.  Can you discuss this, Dylan, or is it somethingyou can’t talk about until daybreak?

DS:  I thought you’d never ask.  But I’m tickled that you did.  I don’t know, I just got a bug up my butt and said, this time I want to do something different. The new book is a one-off.  I’ll  never do anything like it again.  So I figured why not.  Why the hell not.  You live once, right?  You can’t take it with you.  Am I wrong?  So I rolled the dice.  I put myself out there.  I’m sure lots of people will laugh at me, but I’m too old and too hung over to care.  I wrote a little diddy about the book, my friend and I had a few cocktails and we shot the video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v+A9Kbo4vz1TU ). Tongue remains firmly in cheek, believe me.  I don’t take myself too seriously.  I’m not expecting a call from MTV any time soon.  But I’ll say this: if you watch the video, and you don’t smile, I’ll pay you five bucks.  (Not the rest of you, just Elaine).

Make it ten and I’ll frown.  For fifty I’ll cross my eyes.  For a hundred, I’ll hide my eyes.

EE:  My favorite little spy told me that your lovely wife, Jane, has asked you time and again to turn the radio up when you’re clacking away at your keyboard.  Apparently, and this is what I was told – you type so fast, she can’t hear herself over the noise.

DS:  It’s true.  Jane can’t stand the sound of the keyboard.  I’ve heard her scream at the top of her lungs, "Jane, Jane, Jane’s in pain, typewriter clicking makes me insane."  But believe me, that’s not the worst of it.  Jane has major sensitivity issues.  She says magazines smell like rotting flesh.  She can’t go near melon of any kind.  And if you want to see her do a jig, just mention Spiro Agnew.  She doesn’t sleep much.  Actually, I’ve never seen her sleep.  She always walks backwards. She insists on feeding meters with pennies though the parking time never goes up.  Look, she’s a freak.  Cute, smart, but twisted beyond all help.  The good news for me is that none of Jane’s peculiar, alarming, or downright psychotic character traits are of much concern because, well, because my wife’s name is Jen, not Jane.

I knew that.  I wasn’t sure if you, in your obviously demented state, knew it.

EE:  I go crazy when I hear things like this, but Mysteryville is abuzz about the rumor that you and David Corbett are planning to kidnap Barry Eisler at Bcon and demand the name of his hair stylist.

DS:  Here’s a true story.  My law class was filled with opportunists, numbskulls, and future fascists ( I count myself among at least two of these groups).  One of my classmates was a tall, thin, dark haired beauty named Terri with a smile so wide I sometimes feared falling in.  We weren’t friends, exactly.  We didn’t socialize,  I knew next to nothing about her life.  But if she was sitting alone studying in the cafeteria, I’d set my booksdown and say, "What can I buy you to tell me why I shouldn’t hurl myself off the 6th story terrace?" She’d smile and say, "What?"  She was often lost in her head, or in contracts, or something.  And I’d say, "Terri, what the hell’s happening?"  And she’d say, "Nothing, how are you?"  And she meant it.  That was the crazy thing.  She actually liked me.  She wanted to know how I was.  I didn’t even want to know how I was.

To escape the chattering law student voices I played (badly, so badly) a baby grand piano in the lobby.  Terri would sit on a couch nearby.  When I stopped she’d say, "You play so beautifully."  Later I learned she was a trained musician who knew quite well how miserably I hacked at the keys.  After law school I lost touch with Terri.  And Corbett married her.  A few years later she died of ovarian cancer.  When David and I learned the connection, it joined us permanently.  Plus, the guy’s a genius.  I like geniuses.

How wonderful the two of you have such lovely memories.

EE:  Whispers are rampant that you are determined to take tap dance lessons so you can do a Gene Kelly and boast to your friends, "I made it through the rain.’  I mean, it was a great film, but?

DS:  Speaking of Gene Kelly, did you know that there’s a gene the makes developing a beer belly much more likely.  I just made an appointment to get tested.  I don’t want to be one of those old guys who can’t see his pecker.  Thank God for modern science.

Alas, dear readers, Mr. Schaffer has plummeted once again.  Further proof this man is not himself.

EE:  I know the bar scene at Bcon is like it’s just another New Year’s Eve, but putting that aside, which writer would you love to have all to yourself in a cozy corner of the bar in Madison?

DS:  Really there’s only one writer for me, and that’s Denise Mina.  I know she’s attached, and so am I.  I’m not a cheater and she doesn’t seem like one either and probably her man is nine feet tall and would wring me like a soggy sock.  But this is my chance to tell the world — it’s Mina for me, baby.  Me and Mina.  If her new book, The Dead Hour, doesn’t win every award this year I’m personally going to beat up some people.  I may not be Barry Eisler, but I took a lot of Tae Kwon Do, people,and when it comes to defending my woman, well, let’s just say you don’t want to test me.  Give her those awards or you’ll have to deal with me.

Tragically, I can’t be at Bouchercon because I’ll be on tour trying to drum up readers for my little memoir.  If you see Denise, tell her I say hello.  (Please don’t show her this because I’d like her to think of me as a colleague and not as a stalker.)

Don’t show her this?  Ohhhh, but I’m laughing here.  But hey, I’m easy to get along with – have your people call my people.  We’ll see what we can work out.

EE:  Ahem.  Trying to get the feeling again that I alone am conducting this interview, tell us who wold be your ideal tour mate.

DS:  You mean other than Denise Mina?  No.  If not Denise, I’d really prefer to be alone.

Ha!  Count on it, pal!  I can make that happen.  You’ll be alone.  I mean REALLY alone.

EE: Whew.  Looks like we made it! The end is near.  Last question – you’re having six guests for dinner. Who would they be, and what would you serve?

DS:  Before I answer your question, Elaine, I want to say what a pleasure it’s been to be On The Bubble.  I was humbled, honored, thrilled, tickled, and generally feeling pretty randy when you said you’d decided to interview me.  It wasn’t always comfortable, though.  You’re a tough one.  You prod,  you poke, you unmask like Larry King after a gum massage.  I feel found out in all sorts of unpleasant ways.  Pain and suffering, emotional abuse,economic loss, defamation — I’ve been through the ringer and lived to tell the tale.  My attorneys will be in touch.  If I were you I’d start transferring assets.  So,thank you very much.

Now, what was your question?

What can I say, dear readers?  Reality for Mr. Schaffer has obviously lost all meaning.  I must admit my replies to his answers have been altered from the original.  Considering his assault on my veracity, I found myself unable to continue my normal playful and affectionate attitude.  This interview has become a sham, an embarrassment, if you will.  Civility has flown out the window.

Your aid in underscoring my sterling character is appreciated – so please do – with all honesty – SAVE ME FROM THIS DERANGED MAN!!!  Help me to know I am not imagining this nightmare, this journey into madness, this fall into the depths!  So please do hit that ‘comment’ button and let me know that you are with me-that you verify my sterling character – that you will fight this good fight along side of me.  For without your support, I may not have the will to continue my weekly inteviews

Keep the Faith

JT Ellison

We’ve all been there. That moment in your writing career where you ask yourself, “What am I doing? Why am I doing this? I’m not published, there’s nothing but rejection letters on the horizon, my spouse is wondering when some green will come of all this effort. I think I should move on to something else.”

DON’T!!! Don’t give up. Keep writing, keep submitting, keep the faith. If it happened for me, it will happen for you.

I’ve had that moment twice in the past three years. One was at the very beginning of my writing career. I had written half of a manuscript. Things weren’t going well. I had 20,000 words, nothing to do with them, no real direction. Then two things happened.

One, my contact in Metro Homicide offered to look at what I’d written and give me some feedback. He did, and he called me and told me it was really good stuff. Very realistic. WHOA, NELLY! A homicide detective thinks my work is realistic? He likes my characters? Well, maybe I need to give this a second thought.

The second was something much more ephemeral, ridiculous, really. I was reading one of my magazines (I’m addicted to magazines, by the way. I have three that I’m religious about – People, for the book reviews, Elle, for the fashion and the book reviews, and Architectural Digest. Random compilation, I know, but hey, my tastes range.)

So I’m reading Elle, and at the end of the magazine there’s the astrology and numerology section. Now, I’m not a big believer in all that. But I read them anyway, just because sometimes it’s fun.

My numerology number is 7. I flipped open the page, went to my entry and saw this:

"It’s time to come out of hibernation and reconnect with the world. You are prepared and armed for battle, and finally have an opportunity to put months of study and hard work to the test. Don’t allow fear of failure to inhibit you. This month is like one long “now or never” moment. Stand up and be counted. Allow your very real power and determination to vanquish any nagging insecurities. You must stop containing your potential. Now is the time to express it."

Wow. If that wasn’t the most timely kick in the butt. Here I was, doubting myself, doubting my ability to continue writing my first book, and I read that. It was exactly what I needed to hear (read) at the exact right moment. I decided that I needed to take this anonymous, non-personal advice, apply it, and quit whining. I finished the book. It was more of a novella, and it was terrible. But it had sparks of promise, which I’ve talked about in past posts.

Should I credit a numerology column for helping my career? Not in so many ways. What I believe happened was someone told me I was going to make it. Now, I have no idea who that someone is. I’m not a practitioner, I’m sure that this person who writes these entries has a fascinating background that led to doing numerology for a woman’s fashion magazine. But whoever it was, I need to say thank you. Thank you for reminding me to keep the faith.

So, in a much less personal manner, that’s what I’m telling you. Keep the faith. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. If you think you’re a nobody, so will everyone else. If you treat yourself and your writing career with the respect you deserve, others will too. This is a difficult profession. You aren’t alone when you wonder why you’re putting yourself through the aches and pains of writing novels, or short stories, or articles, and getting them published. But if you keep the faith, keep plugging, keep writing and submitting and believe in yourself, and your abilities, the opportunities will come.

When was that second moment, you ask? Right before I landed my deal. Patience, as they say, is a virtue.

Wine of the Week – D’Arenberg “The Footbolt” McLaren Vale Shiraz, South Australia

Dream Jobs

In addition to trying to build a writing career, I do have dream writing jobs.  These are the kinds of gigs that I would sell a kidney for.  I have two real biggies.

First, I’d kill to write for Doctor Who.  I’ve been watching the show since I was two.  The show has spurred my imagination so many times.  The great thing about the Doctor, beyond being a great character, is the scope for the stories.  The canvas is limitless.  The Doctor can travel to any place, any time, and any when.  That’s writing heaven!

Now that the show is in its 43rd year, like Star Trek and Star Wars, it’s a multi-media industry, not just a show.  There are official books, audio stories, radio plays, short story anthologies and Marvel used to have comic book version.  I’ll write for the Doctor.  I don’t care in which venue–books, TV, plays, on the thin end of a grain of rice as long as I’m involved.  It really would be a dream come true.  Just the idea of it makes me fizz. 

I was watching a behind the scenes DVD from the last season.  They were interviewing one of the writers, comedian, Mark Gatiss, about writing for the show.  He expressed the same feelings as me about being given the opportunity.  He admitted that he shed a couple of tears when he saw his show being made.  I know I’d be blubbling like a little girl if I was in his shoes. 

Batman is my other dream gig.  I still love comic books and I’d love to be given a crack at writing one, but a Batman comic strip would be the dream ticket.  I’d get to be the Dark Knight.  No longer would I have to be content with running around the house with my underpants on the outside of my clothes and a bath towel tied around my neck, screaming out at Julie, “I’m Batman.  Stay away from me, Poison Ivy!”  Finally, I’d get to make Batman do what I’d always wanted him to do.  Gotham City would sleep pretty well under my watch.  Again, like Doctor Who, Batman is an industry.  Only recently, I came across a new Batman novel by John Shirley and moaned that no one had sought out this Boy Wonder to write one.

While it would be super, mega, cool to write an original Doctor Who or Batman tale in whatever format someone cared to throw at me, it would be frightening.  This wouldn’t be a light-hearted undertaking.  With great power comes great responsibility and I would be very responsible.  Both assignments come with a bucket load of pressure.  Doctor Who comes with over forty years of mythology and Batman with over sixty.  Fans have expectations.  I owe respect to Doctor Who’s creator Terry Nation and Batman’s creator, Bob Kane.  Not to mention all the legions of writers commissioned to take over from them down the years.  A wrong step from me would be sacrilege!  So I know the agony and ecstasy of the situation and I’m prepared to take it on.

All I’m waiting for is the BBC and DC Comics to give me a call.

Operators are standing by…

Yours waiting for the Bat sign,
Simon Wood

‘A Dark Shadow Fell Over My Chop Suey’

NAOMI HIRAHARA

When Mari was growing up, they only went to onFar_east_cafe_night_los_angeles_2 e restaurant: Entoro in Little Tokyo. Entoro was also known as Far East Cafe, a chop suey house, the old kind before the new Chinese came to town. There, you got greasy homyu, looking like day-old Cream of Wheat in a tiny bowl; almond duck, slippery, fat and buttery with a crunch of fried skin and nuts; and real sweet and sour pork, bright, stinking orange like the best high-grade motor oil. Everyone went to Entoro, crowded around tables separated by wooden dividers like a giant maze of horse stalls. The upstairs area was open and reserved for special occasions. Someone married, go to Far East. Someone dead, go to Far East. It was simple and predictable. Same set of waiters, who doubled as the cooks, who happened to own the joint. And the menu, who bothered to even look? Mas wasn’t even sure they had menus, but seemed to remember a bewildered hakujin family, probably visiting from out-of-state, looking lost while they perused some kind of stained sheet of paper in front of them.

–SUMMER OF THE BIG BACHI, page 28

I was having some Chinese food when a dark shadow fell over mFarewell_1 y chop suey.

–FAREWELL, MY LOVELY (1975), the movie starring Robert Mitchum as Philip Marlowe

In between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, I’ll be making good on an auction gift I donated to last year’s Bouchercon–a three-hour walking mystery tour of Los Angeles’ Little Tokyo.

I’ll be taking the winner, a New Yorker no less, by the former location of the Yamato Hall, also known as the Tokyo Club, where gangsters and gamblers regularly frequented before World War II. I’ve heard various stories of murder and mayhem, and hopefully, can give specific dates and examples after snooping through old records of Japanese American National Museum.

There’s also koban, the Los Angeles Police Department way station–its creation led by the bean cake maker next door. A couple of blocks to the north is the Federal Building, where the L.A. riots began as a political protest in April 1992, then igniting into violence, leading to the burning of vehicles and the breaking of glass windows at the nearby New Otani Hotel. I’ll point out crime sites that either my staff or I covered during my tenure as reporter and editor of The Rafu Shimpo daily newspaper, including the case in which a very scary-looking man with possible underworld ties and his lawyer visited me one day.

But probably the most important site will be the most visibly arresting: the Far East Cafe, which was reopened this month as the Chop Suey Cafe and Lounge. Some Asian American youngsters take offense at the name, but growing up, I constantly heard, "chopu suey, chopu suey." Every Japantown throughout the Pacific West Coast had its own landmark chop suey house, and in Los Angeles from the 1960s until its closure in 1994 due to the Northridge earthquake, Far East Cafe was ours.

What is chop suey? Well, as mentioned above in the excerpt of my debut novel, the Far East Cafe standards were almond duck, sweet and sour pork, homyu (also spelled homu) made of fermented bean curd, and what else–chop suey. You won’t see most of these served in Mandarin or even many Cantonese restaurants these days. But this was the comfort food of Japanese America and mainstream America at one time. During one period of time, probably 90 percent of all Japanese American wedding celebrations and funerals luncheons took place at a chop suey restaurant.

Housed in an 1890s Beux-Arts building in the Little Tokyo Historic District, Far East Cafe opened its doors in the 1930s. Besides its exterior neon sign, the most distinctive feature of the eatery is the maze-like wooden stalls that divide the diners. There’s also a balcony where groups ate and children like myself blew paper from our straws into unsuspecting diners below.

Many period movies have been filmed in this historic restaurant, including the 1975 version of "Farewell, My Lovely" starring actor Robert Mitchum as Raymond Chandler’s Philip Marlowe, now unfortunately out of print. It’s difficult to get a hold of the video, although it is readily available at a handful of libraries within the Los Angeles Public Library system. (I borrowed mine from Echo Park Public Library.) It’s a fun film, co-produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and George Pappas and including a brief cameo of a fresh-faced Sylvester Stallone during his pre-Rocky days. The Far East Cafe is only pictured in a very brief scene when Moose Malloy pays the "private dick" a visit. "I was having some Chinese food when a dark shadow fell over my chop suey," states actor Mitchum in the voice over. (I couldn’t find that line or a reference to a chop suey house in the book; if you can, please correct me in the comments section or send me an e-mail.)

It’s perhaps because the character of Philip Marlowe sat in one of the stalls of Far East that stories spread that his creator Raymond Chandler frequented the chop suey house. However, after making some e-mail inquiries to the Little Tokyo Service Center, which owns the restaurant property, I could not find any verification of this information.

Undoubtedly, Far East, with its close proximity to City Hall and the Los Angeles Police Department, could have been a place that Chandler might have visited.

Yet, based on an article written by Judith Freeman on Raymond Chandler residences (he apparently lived in more than 30 houses and apartments, from downtown L.A. to Redondo Beach to Arcadia) for the Los Angeles Times on December 23, 2004, it doesn’t seem that he frequented anywhere for any length of time.

This past Monday an aspiring mystery writer, Elaine Yamaguchi, and I met for lunch at the Chop Suey Restaurant. I made a mistake and ordered the House Chow Mein instead of the Chicken Chop Suey under the Wok Classics section. I wanted that nostalgic taste that would take me back to my childhood and heyday of Far East. In another stall, I saw a group of elderly Nisei (second-generation Japanese American) men and women ordering the old classic dishes. In time, I smelled that pungent scent of homyu, nasty and familiar at the same time.

You can never go back home again, but then again, it felt good to be in a place where my beloved mystery genre and my personal history collide. I’ll definitely be back again to check out the old-school menu as well as try something different–the chashu sandwich with wasabi fries perhaps?

Far_east_cafe_los_angeles

Chop Suey Cafe
347 East First Street
Little Tokyo (213) 617-9990

Parking has become a little tricky in Little Tokyo now with all the new condominium units. Lots are available on First Street–about $4-5 for a whole day. Make a day of it and go to Rafu Bussan and Utsuwa no Yakata for beautiful and inexpensive ceramics and the local grocery stores (Mitsuwa, Marukai, and Enbun) for some Japanese snacks. And, of course, the store at Japanese American National Museum and Kinokuniya Bookstore for what else–books!

More information about Far East and related topics:

  • Far East’s biggest fan: Tony Osumi
  • Far East’s biggest detractor who became a big fan through courtship and marriage: Tony Osumi’s wife, Jenni Kuida
  • Current reviews of Chop Suey Restaurant
  • Great blog on Little Tokyo and its changing facade, in word and pictures.
  • Chop suey history

Photo credit: (Top) Wataru Ebihara (Bottom) Denny, co-author of LOS ANGELES: A WORLD CLASS CITY

FULLY UPDATED: After some prompting by my website designer Sue Trowbridge, I finally have updated my fall events on my website. I’ll be adding a couple more soon, so check it regularly.

WEDNESDAY’S WORD: oishii (SUMMER OF THE BIG BACHI, page 29)

Delicious. Say it with gusto (OIIIII-shiiiiii) after you take a big bite of your favorite sushi and your itamaesan (sushi chef) will be so happy.

IT’S NOT DOGGY ENOUGH – PART II

Denise Dietz

My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.

RECAP of last week’s blog:

While waiting tables at Eastside Mario’s in Colorado Springs, I met two well-behaved Canine Companions ladies and dogs. The ladies said there were too many "cat mysteries" and not enough "dog mysteries," and I promised to write a dog mystery. And donate a portion of my profits to Canine Companions, an organization that trains dogs to help the handicapped. My lovable Great Dane-Irish Setter-Lab mix, Cherokee, volunteered to be the model for "Hitchcock the Dog." I decided to expand one of my short stories, Spilt Milk, and make the killer obvious…

Except, I then added a twist at the end 🙂

Here’s a brief description of Hitchcock the Dog: In his own mind, Hitchcock, is the quintessential well-trained pooch, even though he only knows eight commands and responds best to gooddog, baddog, and getdownoffthecouchyousonofabitch!

I began writing FOOTPRINTS IN THE BUTTER – an Ingrid Beaumont Mystery co-starring Hitchcock the Dog – a week after meeting the Canine Companion ladies. I wrote a Prologue: At a high school reunion dance, Ingrid’s childhood chum, Wylie Jamestone, pisses everybody off, then gives Ingrid a riddle: "How do you make a statue of an elephant?" Ingrid doesn’t know the answer, but before Wylie can tell her, he leaves the dance. End of Prologue.

Chapter One finds Ingrid at a Broncos vs. Cowboys football game. Approx 70 miles away, Wylie Jamestone [who for some reason looks exactly like my ex-husband, James Wiley] is fatally clunked over the head with a small but heavy reproduction of The Thinker.

In Chapter Two, Ingrid meets her friend [and Canine Companions volunteer] Cee-Cee for breakfast. The two women talk about the reunion dance, the murder, various suspects and…

Something didn’t "feel right."

So I emailed the prologue and first two chapters to my agent, who had only one question: "Does Cee-Cee know these people?"

"She does if she read my prologue," I replied.

I killed the Prologue and made it Chapter Two. I rewrote the "breakfast dialogue" and finished writing the rest of the book and, to make a long story short, pun intended, no one wanted FOOTPRINTS IN THE BUTTER. My rejections ranged from "My list of amateur detectives is full" to [and I swear I’m not making this up] "The heroine is engaging, the mystery works well, and I love the dog, but I didn’t find anything special about the book." For the record, I’ve hated the word "engaging" ever since. Then I received the following: "Thank you for submitting ‘Footprints in the Butter.’ I like Dietz’s writing, but it’s not doggy enough."

In the back of my mind, I heard my promise to the Canine Companions ladies. I simply HAD to get this book published. I sent it to Hard Shell Word Factory. The publisher liked it. A lot. It was published as an e-book and I put an excerpt on my website. Which was seen by a print publisher (Delphi), who published the book in hardcover. A rave Library Journal review contributed to
phenomenal library sales. The novel hit a few bestseller lists and was reprinted by Harlequin/Worldwide in mass market paperback.

Footprints_inthe_butter

This year it came out in large-print — in both the US (Thorndike) and the UK (BBC Library).

Not bad for a book that wasn’t "doggy enough," and I’ve been able to send several generous checks to Canine Companions.

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’" ~ Dave Barry

Many people have asked me if I’m writing a "Hitchcock the Dog" sequel. The answer is yes. It’s working title is "The Lollipop Guild." And…

BETTE MIDLER, if you’re reading my blog, I wrote "Footprints" with you in mind. You could even sing at the reunion dance. Which reminds me. I’ve been meaning to get in touch with Barry Manilow, ask him to write me a couple of songs that make the whole world sing [for "Lollipop Guild"].

Quote of the week: Since it’s apropos, I’m  quoting a rejection letter. The following was sent to one of the world’s top-ranked medical thriller authors: "Peter has a strong commercial voice and a plot that grips the reader from the very first chapter. Unfortunately, it will not fit in with our line of books."

[Makes "not doggy enough" sound a tad less insane, eh?]

This week’s "household hint" comes from Eye of Newt‘s Aunt Lillian:

Cure for headaches: Cut a lime in half and rub it on your forehead. The
throbbing will go away.

Over and Out,
Deni

PS- Anybody else have a weird rejection letter to share?

Surrendering the Baby

by Pari Noskin Taichert

There’s this quote I want to use, but I can’t find it . . . something like, "Authors never finish their books. They abandon them."

Ever the optimist, I wanted to write about that moment when a novelist knows her or his book is finished. I have this Pollyanna image of that blessed instant. It’s euphoric. Angels blow their celestial horns. A shaft of golden sunlight cleaves the clouds and lights the author in the warm knowledge of a job well done.

But the truth is, usually, when I finally submit a manuscript, I’m bone-tired and slump-shouldered. I relinquish the work to the editor with the enthusiasm of an insomniac mother thrusting her heavy bundle of dirty-diapered baby into an unhelpful father’s hands.

No euphoria here. No relief.

For the first day after, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to be done. The plot needs fixing. The writing needs to be snappier. What about all the typos?

Oh, hell.

For those of you who don’t know the saga of my struggle with the new book, here it is in a nutshell:
I wrote the first draft of THE SOCORRO BLAST last year. It was impossible to edit. I threw it away and wrote an entirely new draft. Then I edited that; sent it to my agent the first time; did another hard edit; sent it to my agent again and edited it again. By this time, it actually began to be a decent story. Then I hired Deni Dietz to edit it–that’s the first time I’ve ever used a freelance editor btw–and she came up with some suggestions and corrections. Then I cleaned it up again, made changes, did this and that.

Last Friday, I submitted it to the University of New Mexico Press.

This is the first and, I hope, last time I fight so hard with my fiction.

While trawling for that elusive quote above, I stumbled on others that spoke to me. These amplified my mindset just moments after handing off the manuscript.

A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. — Thomas Mann
No kidding. We get so critical of our own work we become creatively constipated.

Substitute "damn" every time you’re inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. — Mark Twain
This is very, um, damn sage advice. For me, it’s getting rid of my em-dashes. Just ask Deni.

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and a definite hardening of the paragraphs. — James Thurber
Of course, I could have taken longer with this book. I could have tried to delete many more of those pesky sentences that start with "I." I <g> could have done yet another sweep for adverbs.

My hope is that UNMP will buy SOCORRO and that I’ll have another chance to clean it up . . . . under deadline.

It is easy to finish things. Nothing is simpler. Never does one lie so cleverly as then. — Toulouse Lautrec
This goes directly to how I felt when I gave the manuscript up, even though I think it’s my best book so far.

I always do the first line well, but I have trouble doing the others. — Moliere
If Moliere had these problems, what hope is there for the rest of us? Tony Hillerman often talks about all those pages between the beginning and the end and how much trouble they give him.

Yep. I can empathize.

Homer: "Marge, is this a happy ending or a sad ending?"
Marge: "It’s an ending. That’s enough." — The Simpsons

That’s what I came to, too. I had to give this book up. Objectively it’s a good, strong work.

I need to move on.

Author’s Acknowledgments

Jeffrey Cohen

It takes a village to raise a child, and it took a team to help me create this book. Honestly, for something that’s supposed to be a solitary effort, I don’t know how I could have gotten through it without the help of a good number of people whose names don’t appear on the cover, but who contributed in vital, undeniable ways. So I’d like to thank just a few individuals:

First, I’d like to thank the Apple Computer company for creating the iMac on which I wrote this book. And to Bill Gates, for founding Microsoft, the company that made the software with which I wrote it. And then making gazillions of dollars by crushing anyone who got in his way, and then for taking some of his gazillions of dollars and giving it to people who might cure diseases, which I’m hoping not to get because of his efforts. Thanks, Bill.

Major props out there to Johann Gutenberg, who invented the movable type press in 1447. Couldn’t have done it without you, Johann.

And folks, let’s put our hands together for Edgar Allan Poe, who some say invented the detective story all by himself. Of course the book of Genesis contains the first known depiction of a murder (Cain v. Abel), but that one gave away the killer pretty early on (which I suppose places it in the “thriller” category). So we’ll give it to Poe. Nice job, there, Ed.

A shoutout to Charles Dickens, who didn’t get to finish The Mystery of Edwin Drood, but wrote enough of it that Rupert Holmes could give up singing about Pina Coladas and make a nice musical. Too bad you didn’t get to let us know whodunnit, Chuck, but you know, best of times, worst of times, and all that.

As a personal aside, I’d like to thank George M. Steinbrenner III, for spending $200-million a year on his payroll and then having to knock down the most famous sports arena since the Colosseum to build an $800-million stadium right next door with fewer seats in it because he’s losing money on the deal. That’s the way to run a baseball team, George. Seriously, I appreciate your dedication to putting the best players on the field. You didn’t have anything to do with writing this book, but that kind of looney logic deserves some recognition. Enjoy your extra luxury boxes.

While I’m on the subject, good work Abner Doubleday for getting the whole baseball thing started, or at least taking credit for it. And nice publishing house, as well, Ab.

But back to the book: there are so many others to whom I’m indebted, like the inventor of ink, the guy who first cut down a tree and made paper out of it (I say “guy” because a woman would never get an idea that dizzy), the first person to write down stuff that wasn’t true and say, “I’m not lying; I’m a novelist,” and naturally, the first person to give him money for that, then charge the public three times that much and call himself a publisher. If the liar who started it had thought of that himself, what a different world this would be, no?

For no particular reason, thanks to John Lennon, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Harpo Marx, Mickey Mantle, Abigail Adams, Jon Stewart, Robert B. Parker, Gene Roddenberry, Ernest Lehman, Cicero, Groucho Marx, Harriet Tubman, Alfred Hitchcock and of course, Mel Gibson, just for being himself.

And of course, thank you to my lovely wife and children, whom I’ll be able to name once they get out of the Author’s Protection Program. You’re my inspiration.

Thanks to every other author I cajoled, coerced and otherwise tricked into blurbing this tome. I’d like to say you can count on me to reciprocate, but you probably can’t. On the plus side, though, my name on your book probably would drive sales down, so you’re actually ahead of the game on this one.

But mostly, I’d like to express my appreciation to my brilliant agent, who sold this turkey when I had no idea what it was about, and my supremely talented editor, who turned it into something coherent.

And last, I’d like to thank each and every one who bought my last book. I have the list of names right here…

Achoo!

JT Ellison

I’ve sprained my ankle.

No, don’t all of you send flowers at once. (I like roses and
red gerber daisies, by the way…)

Seems like an innocuous little injury. When I was on the
track team in high school, sprains, aches, pains, torn muscles, skinned knees –
all that was a daily occurrence, nothing to give a second thought to. You iced,
then you taped, and you went on with the show.

But now, well, I’m in actually pain. I’ve got it wrapped, I
have it elevated, I’ve taken some Advil, but that nagging soreness won’t go
away. From hobbling around, the head of my left quadricep muscle is inflamed,
moving into my hip flexor, so now my entire leg hurts. We won’t go into the
visions of blood clots and strokes (hypochondria, anyone?)

And all this got me thinking about my characters, and
readers perceptions of characters.

A while back, a thread appeared on DorothyL about characters
being sick. One or two people got exceptionally vocal about it too, asserting
they hated when a character catches a cold, or hurts themselves. Now, in my
first manuscript, my character had a cold that progressed into a sinus
infection. But here in Tennessee, that’s something that happens to EVERYONE.
The doctors have an esoteric label for it, something not just anyone would have
thought of. The Tennessee Crud.

You catch the Tennessee Crud about twice a year. The docs
shoot you full of Cortisone, give you a Z-pak, Musinex, and some of that nifty
cough medicine with codeine in it, then send you on your way.

Being a relatively naïve young writer, I felt that adding a
bit of realism to my novel was a good thing. So I wrote the Tennessee Crud in,
giving it to my main character, homicide Lieutenant Taylor Jackson, who despite
feeling like absolute sh*t, must work to solve the murders. Serial Killers
don’t seem to care if you have a cold, they just want to make their next kill
and move on with the story.

Apparently, that wasn’t such a good idea. Readers, at least
those who took the time to chime in, HATE when a character falls ill. As they
do street directions, but that’s a whole different beast.

Now, that book isn’t getting published, so I don’t have to
worry about offending any readers. But the dichotomy surprised me. While it
wasn’t a big deal to many readers, to some, it was downright offensive.

I’m curious what the reasoning is behind this feeling. Is it
that you want a main character who’s strong and virile? Is it annoying to be
reminded of your own failings and weaknesses?

As I sit here, nursing my own aches and pains, I think of
poor Taylor, who suffered so mightily (and for no reason) with her cold in the
first book, and feel a little closer to her because she isn’t infallible.

So tell me, what do you think? Can a character’s humanness
get in the way of the story?

Wine of the Week: This wine blew me away. It’s called Taltarni Shiraz, from Australia.
Rich, fruity, beautiful. Highly recommended.
And since Hubby and I will celebrate our 11th anniversary tomorrow, how about some celebration wine? Piper-Heidsieck

Aiming Low

Recently, a discussion about short story markets broke out on a writers’ message board.  One poster said they were tired of seeing new writers submitting their stories to the New Yorker and Atlantic Monthly.  The poster felt they should aim their sights lower.

I disagree with this statement wholeheartedly.  Writers, new and old, should aim as high as they can.  While I agree, a new writer stands little chance of having their story accepted by the New Yorker first time around, there still exists a chance and because there is that chance, they should send it.  What’s the worst that can happen?  A rejection slip.  So what?  Give it a go, I say. 

A writer does him or herself no favors by aiming low.  I speak from experience here.  I lacked my faith in my own work at the beginning.  I found the name magazines intimidating, so I didn’t send my stories there.  But one incident became my wakeup call.  I sold a story to a small press magazine and I received a small paycheck for my trouble–for which I was grateful.  To my surprise, the story picked up an honorable mention in Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror that year.  Then, at a convention, I was giving a reading of the story and a very renowned editor was in the crowd.  She’d worked with a number of big name writers, such as Stephen King and Peter Straub.  She’d been told to listen to me.  After I finished the story, the editor came up to me, introduced herself and asked for the story for their next anthology.  I had to admit that the story had already been printed, but mention that she could buy reprint rights.  She wanted first rights and the offer was withdrawn.  That reading and that story put me on their radar for next time, but it lost me a big opportunity.  I kicked myself for weeks for not sending the story to the best markets, but it taught me a lesson.  I submit to the top and work my way down, not the other way around. 

The tricky thing about writing is that it’s subjective.  There isn’t a right or wrong answer.  A story doesn’t work that way.  A story one person loves can leave another person cold.  I’m always amazed by the stories I sell immediately because I could have sworn the editors would like some other one more.  This makes it hard to judge which stories should go where, so the writer might as well start at the top.

If there’s a moral to this essay, it’s that aiming high shouldn’t just end at the magazine markets.  Aiming high should be every writer’s watchword for everything they do–whether it be searching for an agent, a publisher, a publicist or other facet of their writing career.  Writers shouldn’t settle for second best.  They may not hit the heights they’ve always aimed for, but they should at least try.  Because in the writing world, you just never know. 

Flying high (or at least trying to)
Simon Wood